Mixed and matched random thoughts

I will update soon with a more setialed entry for now here are some random thoughts that have been provided by answers to livejournal writers block questions. I find some of these questions to be interesting though some times my answers can get a bit repettive.

Question City Mouse of Country Mouse? Do you perfer a more rural or urban environment and why?
I was born and raised in a town called Saugus Massachuetts which is 45 mins outside of Boston. I moved to Amherst NH when I was 12 which is a rural town. The scenery in Amherst is nice but as far as social life there is very little to do. You have to drive 25 minutes to get to a place with thriving nightlife (Nashua or Manchester) Portsmouth is an hour away, Maine is an hour and half away as is Lake Winnipasaukee. Once I get on my feet financially (which seems to be taking forever) I plan on moving to either Nashua,Manchester, Concord,Portsmouth Portland Maine or Boston or any of the outlying suburban towns like Wellsely which is one the T. Since I do not drive I have to live in a place where I can take the bus or train or walk to work. Portsmouth is ideal for me because I love that area... I have heard it is really expensive there though so I could easily see myself living in either Portland,Ogunquit, Wells or Kittery. I LOVE MAINE! :) I could also picture myself living in a college town where everything is walkable distance. Henniker while it is pretty is not a place I could picture myself living full time 4 years at NEC with no social life on the weekends and no car to get to places outside of Henniker was prett unbearable though ther were some Fridays when I did take the shuttle into to Concord to go the movies or the mall but when you're a broke college student luxeries like that are few and far between.
Question Instant Wish If you could have one wish granted to you what would it be?
It is hard to choose one wish so I am cheating and writing about 3. 2 are general and one is personal and could actually kind of be considered as a goal as well.We'll start with the general (sorry if I cheated I know the question only asks about one wish)The first general wish is world peace. I am so disheartned by all the storeis I hear on the news about the war that is still going on and how many soilders are either wounded or have died. I know nobody. personally who has fought in the war though my best friend Heather's brother did and he was one of the lucky ones who retruned home safely. The whole War On Terror angers me so much because it has been going on from 9 years and it really should have ended three years ago perhaps sooner The 2nd general wish is that people would be more understanding of people who are gay and lesbian, I can't stand people who are bigots. I think what raised my appreciation was being in the Gay Straightt Alliance club at NEC because before then I didn'y even know very many people who were gay lesbian bi transgenederd. Being in that club gave me knowledge to be more understanding of people who are of a different sexual orientation then me., Love should be a universal thing and sexuality should not define it. My personal wish is that I find a sunbstanial paying job in the near future. I have been largely out of work for two years with exception of some part time and temporary jobs I have held. I want to move in to my own place within a year or a year and a half perferably in Nashua. The good thing about the job trainning program I start at the hospital in August is that upon completion they try to place you in a position with in the hospital. My hope after completing this program is to get a job in the main office or the PR department. I need money to pay my lons from NEC back and then maybe I will go back to school to take Medical Coding classes in January and possibly Spanish because Nashua has a large Spanish speaking population.
Question Lesson Learned Up to this point in your life what is the biggest lessson you have learned?
I'm 24 and I feel as if I've been in transition for a long time. The biggest lesson I have learned overtime is that people will come and go through out our lives but it's the friends who stick by you that matter the most. My circle of friends has grown and shrunk and grown again since I gradauted both high school and college. People change and friends change some friends stick by you and other fade into the background. I have learned this through the way my group of friends from NEC has changed since I graduated. Immature drama has split my core group of friends apart but the key thing is the people I grew the closest too are still in touch. Friends will also teach us things that stick with us for a long time. For example throughout my time at NEC I often put a lot of preassure on myself when it came to my grades. I felt it necessary to be in compettion with my friends who were the highest achievers and always on Deans List.. a lot of my friends on Deans List including a few people I roomed with. My friend Keri sent me an email during finals week of the fall of my junior year. That had been a particulary tough semester because I had to miss a week of school due to surgury. She told me that I shouldn't compare myself to other people and what's important about classes no mater what is subject that it's in is what you take away from the class in terms of what you learn not so much the grade. Had I had that mindset throughout all four years of college I probably would have put myself under a lot less stress to feel I needed to be the best.One transition I have had a lot of issues with recently is moving on from stuff related to the a theatre I interend at three years ago the New London Barn Playhouse. That was by far the roughest transitional period I've had to go through. I was frusturated with myself a lot because I felt like I need to prove to everyone else in my intern company that I was over stuff related to the Barn when in all honesty it took me longer to move on than I thought and everyone else had moved on after they left and started their own careers. At this point I can't let the past affect me anymore. People has moved on and over time the Barn itself has even changed as an instution. I can't stop things from moving forward and I can't keep looking back, instead I must look forward . There are so many things I can look forward to that are coming up. I may have temporaily hindered friendships with the people I worked with at the Barn because of the way I was so emotionally attached to issues going on at the Barn that I couldn't control. Had I not been so obsessed with the Barn and anxious about being forgotten about by people I worked with and forgetting memories from that summer relationships with the people from my intern company would not be so strained. I had a hard time realizng that was just one summer, 8 weeks out of my life and all of theirs and while the memories will always stay with all of us it's time to move on. Hopefully the friendships that I had with the people from my intern company will be less strained once I finally completly let go of everything related to the Barn... darkness is finallly turning into light. I am currently listening to is What I Did For Love from A Chours Line. Will Porter asked me a question after I left the Barn about what song I would sing in a one woman cabaret show and that's the song I picked. It's eerily coincidental that I am listening to that song as I write this entry.

Update

Memorial Day Weekend was fun. Friday was my last day of Mission Possible which was great. I'm going to miss the people I worked with at the Boys and Girls Club. Matt picked me up and we had dinner with my family and just relaxed. Saturday night we went to Moultonborough Academy to go a benefit concert for Summer Theatre in Meredith Village. It was a very good concert with a great mix of music. Yesterday I went to Matt's new apartment in Wellsley, We went shoping at the mall first and brought some graduation gifts for Kristin and Cameron, a housewarming gift for Heather and a birthday gift for Sonya. I think we acrually kind of overdid it on how much money we spent. but life is all about learning lessons. Wellsey is a very pretty town.. it was actually my first time going there this weekend. It's a cute little college town. I could easily picture myself living there or in a similar college town area in Massachuetts or NH.. perhaps maybe even Henniker who knows? Actually at NEC I constantly complained about how there was nothing to do in Henniker especially on the weekends so Henniker may not be the ideal place to live. I'm still picking Nashua or Portsmouth as my top two choices for places to live. However it will largely depend o n where I find a job once Project Search is over. Prior to Memorial Day I went to Souhegan for Senior Project Presentations. My sister did hers on Monday the 17th. She did hers on Journalism and for her applied piece taught journalism to Middle School students at AMS and helped them to create a newspaper. I was very proud of her. Tuesday was my sister's 2 best friends Mallory and Stephanie's presentations. Mal did hers on Animal Behavior and Steph did hers on Mythology. Both very interesting. Kristin's boyfriend Justin went on Wednesday. His project was about performance poetry..right up my alley. He wrote a poem for part of his applied piece which he read at graduation tonight. May 25th was Senior Project Awards night and I got to see a few presentations I did not get to see the previous week which were all very interesting. My sister got an award for her applied piece and I was quite happy for her. Friday before I went to Mission Possible was Academci Awards in the morning. My sister and her friends made out pretty well. Same thing goes for the scholarships as well. Congrats to everyone. Last weekend was my cousin Cameron's graduation party. It was a good time. Last night was my graduation ceremony for Mission Possible. I gave a speech and it was pretty welll received. Tonight was the SHS Graduation...the ceremony was kind of long but not as long as my graduation from NEC was two years ago. Lots of good speeches this year. After the ceremony we went to after parties at Steph and Justin's houses.. just got home from that about half an hour ago actually.

I am pretty exhausted and have a long day ahead. Time for bed
Janine

Much needed (and lenghty) update

I really should go to bed because I have a pretty long day tomorrow that starts @ 9:30am and ends at 9:30pm (work at the Chamber of Commerce, work and Wizard of Oz Rehearsal)



So this entry is in regards to my depression related to the theatre I used to work at three summers ago.. I am doing better.. every day I am doing better. Two weekends ago I went to New London for ChocolateFest at Colby Saywer College. It was definitley worth the trip. I have never tasted so much delicious chocolate in one sitting. I am surprised I didn't gain weight from all the chocolate I ate. I wonder who ended up winning the contest. After chocolate fest went out for a late lunch at Screwiez Lewiez Italain resturant which is right down the the street from the college. The bar we had Will Porter's 21st birthday party at went out of business and that was the resturant that replaced it. Real good food there! :) Danielle Smerald, one of the junior interns from my intern company works there and we talked at length about how much the Barn has changed over the course of the past 3 years. We mutally agree that it has been disconcerning but at the same time there is nothing we can do to change what has happened. We just have to roll with the punches. She said the Barn has lost quite a few supporters since the management changeover which isn't too shocking because a lot of people really liked Nancy so she when opened her theatre in Meredith they started going there. I may go to see a Junior Intern show at the Barn this summer because there are a couple kids who I directed in Bravery Soup who still are still part of that group. This willl largely be determined by budget and scheduling. I think the issue I had was accepting the fact the Barn was changing and would never be the same as when I was there and I was in denial for such a long time which is probably why I got so emotionally attached to things that were going on. I think now that I have finally accepted things I can finally start the process of moving forward.. funny how it has taken 3 years... I feel like I should have taken a lot less longer to move on. I am not afraid of my depression coming back if I go to see shows at the Barn.. I don't know why I worried about that so much in in first place honestly. All I do know is that the Barn is not the same as it was when Nancy was there. I may not be too happy with the changes but there's not much I can do except keep the memories of my summer there close to my heart because at this point memories are all I will have of that place.Whsper words or wisdom.. let it be.

Last week was really busy. On top of work I had two job interviews one which I should have cancllened because I realized before I even went to it that I wouldn't be able to handle the job (Elisha's) and one which went really well (Giorgios) I am supposed to hear back from Giorgios in the next couple days and I really hope they call me back for a second interview. Thursday was Evening of Dance at SHS,,, Kristin's last EOD, Such a good show. Saturday Cooper Matt and I went to Henniker for the annual Movement Concert that the dance department puts on. It was the best one I have ever seen for serious. :) Yesterday was Mother's Day and we went to Masschuetts to go visit my grandmothers. I overate because I had the worst stomache when I got home last night.


Quick update ... time for bed now!
Janine

SummerJob update

Didn't get the job at Camp Allen and I'm quite disappointed. On the plus side they are keeping my application on file and will call me back next year for an interview. I have 2 resturant hostess jobs on Tuesday at 1:30 and Thursday @ 4:30. Hopefully those go well. *crosses fingers*

My latest poem

Rebirth

Spring is a time of rebirth
regenerationnot only for plants
but for people like me
Depression has dragged me down
for too long
I can't let it impact me anymore
let the past be the past
and let it all go
memories are locked away in a special corner of my mind
Time to let go of all these senseless fearsa
nd childish insecurities
let them flow away downstream
Time heals all wounds
and God forgives us for all misgivings
I have found that prayer has gotten
me through this tough time
I just need to let things go
and forgive myself
Whisper words of wisdom
let it be.


relevant to my Barn Playhouse depression.

Personal Blog Phase Out

The more I think about it the more this blog and my livejournal will eventually phase themselves out. I just see no point in having a blog about my personal life. Mostly because I feel like my life should not be broadcast over the interent. When something personal goes on my life that I feel is private I take a break from writing in here because there are things in my life that are best kept of the interent. It's not that i'm a secretive person... I just know how to keep private things private.

I was supposed to hear back on the Camp Allen interview. So anxious to find out if I got the job. I am really hoping that I got it. If I didn't then I have the Camp Naticook and Boys and Girls Club of Souhegan Valley theatre camp apps to fall back on other than that I am stuck. I may end up calling Target to see if they are looking for summer help or call back osme of the resturants that I applied for hostess jobs to see if they are hiring again.. other than that I am out of ideas.

This weekend I relaxed on Friday after work then Saturday night I went to Karaoke at Grand Buffett with Sonya. I think we'll start frequenting that place more often instead of Fridays because they get a better turn out. I sang three songs New New York by Frank Sinatra, Let It Be by The Beatles and Cabaret from the Broadway musical Cabaret. I channelled my inner Liza Minelli for the last one and the channelling was pretty successful except for the high note at the end. Yesterday it was not so great weather which was unfortunate because we were supposed to go on a picnic and hike in Mine Falls Park.. instead we went to the movies and saw Shutter Island. Something about that movie did not sit right with me and I can't exactly pin point ... maybe it's just the fact that Leonardo Dicaprio has played better roles in other movies that role in my opinon was simply not his best. Today I worked at the chamber of commerce and then went to go Milford Cabinet Article interviews which were very successful. :)

Bracket Blahs!

So my March Madness Bracket is officially screwed now...at least for the guys. Syracuse Xavier and Cornell were eliminated last night. Those were al teams I had predicted to make it to the next round. My lucky streak has run out unfortunatley.

On the Girls Side things are looking a little bit better
Predictions for the next round
Conn will beat Iowa State
FLA State will beat Misssissippi State
Duke will beat San Diego State
Baylor will beat Tenneesee
Stanford will beat Georgia
Xavier will beat Gonzaga
Kentucky will beat Michigan State
Oaklahoma woll beat Notre Dame


Update: So I have negelected to update this blog with March Madness scores.
On the men's side Duke won the championship and on the women's side UCONN won the championship.