On a natural high

So i am on a natural high! I got into Project Search the job training program at St Joesph's Hospital. I start in September ( well tehcnically August 31st). Between this program and the program I am currently in at the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Nashua I am getting training that will help me to succeed in workplace... which is great because training is what I was lacking in the positions I have previously held. A step in the right direction. A step toward stating a life of my own.
Mission Possible is going well. The kids are so adorable and I love working with them. I am getting to know the other people in my training group and they are really nice.
This weekend I went to the SHS Musical which I throughly enjoyed. Go to my theatre blog for a review of that show at the CTE show Baby With The Bathwater. Saturday night I went out with Matt and Sonya to go to Karaoke at Friday's in celebration of me getitng into Project Search. Thomas Rossi met up with us and it was awesome to see him. Yesterday I went to Henniker to go see the CTE Play. As per natural I met up with Laura Hachez, her boyfriend Joe and Leanna Pizer for lunch before the play. It was great to see them again and catch up. Among other thongs we discussed the drama that has gone on since I graduated which has been mentioned in previous entries. We all agreed that while it is diasppointing that childish drama has fractured so many relationships in our group of friends it is best to move on with our lives. Life is way too short for drama and focussing on the negative things that life brings about. Focus on the friendships that are still intact and making new ones.
Speaking on NEC friends next weekend I am going to Maine and we are celebrating James's 21st Bday ( a bit belated as his birthday was March 4th) SO excited to see some NEC friends I have not seen in awhile...including James who I have not seen since the summer. GLORIOUS!!

On the topic of moving on we once again arrive at stuff related to NLBP..
The Barn Playhouse has changed signifcantly since I left there three years ago in terms of management. I have nothing whatsoever against the people who currently work there. I have never met the new artistic director but have heard from other people that is a very nice woman. I have had an issue with accepting all the changes. As a result this has hindered my process of moving on. I got angry over stuff I should have not gotten angry about...stuff that I thought I could change but ultimately had no control over. This made people who currently work at the Barn kind of pissed off at me and I do not blame them at all for getting mad. As I said in my previous entry in order to get over my depression I need to fully distance myself from all related to the Barn. Let the memories from my summer there be memories and accept the current changes. Accept that things have mostly changed for the better of the Barn as an instituiton no matter what it will still be a great place to go see shows at. I think it is best for me that I don't go see shows there for awhile. I may go back in two or three years but now is not the best time. Heck, it may just be time for me to move on from that place all together and start going to see plays at other theatres.
Part two of this reinvention process involves the way I behave. I have been out of line in so many ways.. I overstepped boundaries with Will Porter in a few different circumstances that have been touched upon in previous entries... I probably totally messed up my friendship with him but who knows? We may be friends again in the future. As far as that situation is concerned it is best to let time take its course and see what will happen. As far as my other friends from the Barn are concerned I know a a majority of them have been frusturated with me for being too in their faces with emails about the Barn. They have obviously picked up on the fact that I am depressed. I have decided it is the best to give people space for awhile and not email them. It is only then that they will notice that I have truly let go of stuff related to the Barn and perhaps then we can actually talk to each other on better terms of what is going on in the here and now. I know for a fact that they are sick of hearing me talking about the Barn and I am honestly quite sick of rehashing negative feeelings. I know that people like me. I just need to trust that a little bit more.
Part three involves focusssing more on the present and the future.. I have been so wrapped up in the past for three years and it's time to take what is going on in the here and now HEAD ON! As I said at the start of the entry I am so excited about the job training program I got into at St Joe's Hopsital, I think that will be an amazing experience for me. New opportunities will definitley open up for me. I picked up something when I was at NEC yesterday about a Master's Program in Professional Writing at NEC. I am considering applying to that after Project Search is over and done with. I definitley want to be able to do more with my communications degree then I am currently doing and I think getting my master's will open up better job opportunites in the field. It's online so I won't have to worry about finding a place to live in Henniker again . Hopefully I find a job so I can pay for the courses and won't have to take out a bunch more loans... I am already in debt from undergrad.

Livejournal Crossover- Moving on and Family Adventures

Another crossover entry from livejournal actually most of these entries are livejournal implants.


So this entry kind of bounces off the entry I wrote last week after Maggie Politi emailed my mom. For the record I am very grateful to Maggie for emailing my mother. :) It has been no secret at all that I have depressed about stuff related to the Barn Playhouse. I have tried to deny that for the longest time and hide it from other people. I can no longer do this. It drives me too crazy. If you are a frequent reader of this LJ you should plainly be able to see how up and down I have been about stuff related to the Barn in the past three years. Maggie's email was really eye opening for me because it not only showed me that the people from my intern company are generally concerned about how I obsessed I have been when it comes to stuff related to the Barn but the fact I have outwardly denied this obsession for the past two years and have forced myself to believe that my depression has fully gone away when it's not even close to that point. Lots of stress and anxiety built up over time and I truly feel bad about taking that anxiety out on other people because for the most part they didn't deserve it. This anxiety is what caused me to send emails to everyone in my intern company constantly apologizing for the way I was acting. For the most part a lot of that apologizing was generally unnecessary and if I could turn back time I most likely would have never sent out to those emails to begin with. I used to be worried that the way I acted may have long term affect on my relationships with these people and I may be burning bridges for business contacts but that may not be totally and completely be the case. I have too much emotional baggage to deal with and honestly I think it would be best to talk to someone professional to help me through this. I know that I can get through this.. I just can't deal with it on my own anymore because I just end up getting back into the negative thought process thinking that the people from my intern company aren't going to be freinds with me anymore because of the way that I acted or don't like me because that for the most part is not true. At this point I need to totally reinvent myself. I will wait till things turn around to contact people from my intern company again or better yet wait until the contact me first so I do not get too in their face with sending them too many emails. I need to start distancing myself from thinking about stuff related to the Barn. I do not plan on going back there this summer to see any plays. The only way I can fully gain closure to this depression is to eliminate even considering going to see shows there no matter how good the summer line up is. I really should have done that last year.. that would have saved me a lot of anxiety to be perfectly honest. I am doing research of other theatres in NH to go see plays at this summer aside from Summer Theatre in Meredith Village. Winnipasaukee Playhouse and Ogunquit Playouse are at the top of my list so far. Totally eliminating the Barn from my list of venues will help me heal better.. perhaps once this depression 100% goes away I will consider going back to the Barn again but this summer is not the best time to do that as I am still in the healing process. My mom suggested I get a new hobby besides theatre and that might be something I'm willing to try doing.. theatre will stil be a huge part of my life though no matter what. Any other suggestions for how I can reinvent myself would be welcomed.



Today's Livejournal Writer's Block Question was about family adventures. My favorite family adventure up to this point was when I went to Italy two summers ago. I adored it and am absolutley itching to go back. We spent the first two days in Florence and Venice and then spent the rest of the time in the Tuscany Vallley with our realtives who live in Arrezzo.

1 Week Down Project Search and Summer Camp

Haven't really gotten the chance to do a substanial update lately so here we go...
Last week I started Mission Possible the job training program at the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Nashua. I think this program is very interesting and I am gainng new skills. For the first half hour we are in career development class which is review for me since I took Career Development for two semesters my last year at NEC. The rest of the day we are at our job postings around the Boys and Girls Club. My position is working in the coat check checking in student's backpacks and coats and checking things out of their cubbies when they need to get a book they need to do their homework with out. Since this is a new position the first few days were spent working out the kinks so on Wednesday I was in the homework room helping kids with their homework and organizing the bookshelf and Friday I was with the creative arts group and we went on a nature hike. Judging from the first week of the program I think the next nine weeks (starting with this week are going to be a mix of educational and fun.
Last night I had my interview for the job training program at St Joes' Hospital Project Search. It went very well and I think I have a pretty decent shot of getting into the program. I find out about my acceptance on Monday so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I get in.

In the meanwhile I have been applying to local summer camps so far I haven't had much luck.

Theatre Camps

• Peacock Players Positions filled
• Andy's Summer Playhouse Positions Filled
• Bedford Youth Performing Company Positions filled

General Camps

Sending in applications today for Camp Naticook, Camp Allen and the summer camp at the Boys and Girls Club in Milford. I am also applying for the summer camp at the Boys and Girls Club in Nashua and I called Camp Ponemah at Hampshire Hills last night but all their positions were filled. Never heard one way or the other if I got the job at Summer Theatre in Meredith Village so I tend to assume that's a no go.

1st Round/ 2nd Round Winners

March Madness 1st Round/Second Round Winners

1st Round

Midwest Winners

Michigan State

Maryland

Tennessee

Ohio

Butler

Xavier

Pittsburgh

Syracuse

2nd Round

Midwest Winners

Michigan State beat Maryland 85-83

Northern Iowa beat Kansas 69-67

Syracuse beat Gonzaga 87-65

Butler beat Murray State 54-52

Tennessee beat Ohio

Ohio State beat GA Tech

Next Round winners: Syracuse, Michigan State, GA Tech,No. Iowa

West

BYU vs Kansas St Kansas St 84-72 will face winner of Pitt/Xavier game

East

Kentucky beat East Tennesee State 100-71 and Wake Forest 90-60

Cornell beat Temple 78-65 and Wisconsin 87-69

It could be possible that the #12 seed could upset the #1 seed... we'll have to see.

Washington beat Marquette 80-78 and New Mexico 82-64

W Virginia beat Missouri 68-59

This could easily be another lower seed vs higher seed upset but I know nothing about either team enough to make a solid prediction.

South

Duke will beat Cali

Purdue will beat Texas A&M

Baylor beat Sam Houston 80-71 and Old Dominion 76-68

St Mary's California beat Richmond 80-71 and Villanova 75-68

Please refer to my comments about the W VA vs Missouri game

I have a MUCH better bracket then I did last year. Let's hope my lucky streak continues. I hope Syracuse wins it all.

My latest poem

Please refer to my latest entry in my Theatre Is My Life blog for what this poem is about.

Three Simple Words Part 2

The river flows on

and so do my negative thoughts

as I push them away.

This song is on constant repeat on the ipod in my head

Come sister let's go down

let's go down come on down

come sister let's go down

down by the water to pray.

People I worked with moved on from

that summer long ago

and I don't know exactly

why it took me so long to move forward.

Obsession and paranoia

two negative things

I wish I could have dealt with better

and not have

made such a big dealout of a

problem that didn't really exist.

Look forward

don't look back

or go off the beaten track

memories are not forgotten.

I felt like I had something to prove

but I don't.

Because love conqures all things

and I know that despite distance

friendships are not lost

and I am loved.

Put the past in the past

and listen to the three simple words

whispered down from the heavens

Let It Be.

The song referenced to in this poem is Down To The Water to Pray from the movie O Brother Where Art Thou?

Mini update and March Madness 1st Round Predictions

Okay so time for a semi- substantial updateThursday Matt and I went to Derry to go see Colleen Fee in Junie B Jones at the Stockbridge Theatre at Pinkerton Academy. The theatre was pretty nice for a high school theatre. The play was based on the children's chapter book series by Barbrara Park which wasn't really popular til once I was in middle school. The play was cute and Colleen did a really good job. We went out to lunch with the cast at Applebee's afterwards which was nice. It was definitley great to catch up with Colleen. :) Friday I worked at the Share Clothing Barn til 1;15 then went to the movies to see Alice In Wonderland with Heather Crocker and Samantha Quick, I had moderate expectations for this movie prior to seeing and wasn't sure I would like it but I underestimated it. I think the reason why I had such moderate expectations was because the only other Tim Burton movie I've seen besides Sweeney Todd was Nightmare Before Christmas and I am not a huge fan of that movie for some reason. Anyway Alice in Wonderland was awesome and I highly reccommened it to anyone who is looking to go see a good movie. Other reccommended movies are Precious and Valentines Day. Valentines Day almos seems like its an updated verison of Love Actually .. similar plot line ot LA just new characters.. I actually liked it better the Love Actually. For the record Taylor Swift CANNOT ACT. Precious is a powerful movie and I was almost crying by the end of it. While the overall story line is kind of depressing it has a good message about believing in yourself and never giving up. I just got home from spending two days in Laconia with Matt. I wish the weather had been a lot nicer.. damn rain. Saturday we got lost on the way to our hotel so we didn't get there til 6:30 and we were supposed to get there an hour before. We just spent the rest of Saturday night relaxing. Yesterday we went bowling at Funspot... I actually did good for not having not bowled since November after bowling we spent a bit playing arcade games. I actually did good at the slot machines. We didn't have enough combined tokens to get a big prize so I gave Matt my tokens so he could save them for later in the week. We then went out to dinner at Fratello's in Laconia. Delicious italian food. I highly reccommend it if you are ever in Laconia. We then spent the night relaxing. I got home at 12:45 and have been relaxing. I am starting my job training progarm at the Boysand Girls Club in Nashua tomorrow.. excited nervous and anxious at the same time. Wish me luck!

March Madness 1st Round Predictions

Midwest

Florida State

Georgia Tech

Kansas

Maryland

New Mexico State

Oaklahoma

Ohio

Ohio State

Syracuse

UNLV

West

Florida

Kansas State

Pittsburgh

Vanderbilt

Xavier

East

Clemson

Cornell

Kentucky

Marquette

Morgan State

Wake Forest

Wisconsin

South

California

Duke

Notre Dame

Texas A&M

Sam Houston

St Mary's

Villanova

My latest poem

Three Simple Words

I've had a challenge with moving on from certain situations
I look to the heavens
there is a whisper
a simple sentencethree words...
Let It BeOver dramatic
over compensating
I regret the way I acted
I realize the biggest issue I had was forgiving myself
Let it be
and though the distance may be great between us all
that doesn't mean that memories from summer 2007 are forgotten
nor that i'm not loved
whisper words of wisdom
We all love you just trust it
and Let It Be
A group of friends divided by drama
stress that I really didn't need
Have to move on
and realize that things will never
be the same again
the light shines down forever on me
and three simple words are whisperedf
rom the heavens
Let It Be


Inspired by the song Let It Be by The Beatles