Just like a pill

Actual update coming soon... PROMISE!! So much has happened since Alumni Weekend :)


Today's WB unplugged question was If You had a disability and were offered a magic pill to cure it would you take it? Why or why not?

If such a pill existed there would be a very low likely hood that I would take it. I have a couple of different disabilities. Cerebal Palsy, a non verbal learning disorder on the Asbergers spectrum and Cortical Visual Impairment (CVI) I was diagnosed with CVI a the end of the summer and that diagnosis was really opening for me because it helped me to realize why I have struggled so much with certain things over the years. I guess if there was a magic pill to cure that then I would take it because I hate not being able to drive or maybe to help me fare better in certain social situations.. Other than that I am pretty happy with my life and would not change a thing about it.

Thought for The Day- On Skepticism

Thursday was International Skeptics Day I guess every group of people needs a holiday of their own. I find myself not to be skeptical of a whole lot of things. The irony of this topic came into play on Thursday because at work there was a woman who wrote a book about Haunteed Hikes in New Hampshire. I found the talk to be very intriguing. I have never believed in ghosts or anything of a supernatural nature.

One thing I am skeptical of is religion. I believe in God most definitley and pray as often as possible. I am have been skeptical of the Catholic Church ever since the 2005 sex abuse scandel and have considered a couple of times changing my religion. I am not sure if I am actually going to go through with changing my religion. One goal I am making for myself is to go to church more often. Right now I don't go as often as I should and I regret that. I am skeptical of the Wiccan religion. I have two friends who are in that religion and I don't have a very deep understanding of their religious practices which I suppose this is why I am skeptical. I am also skeptical of Scientology.

I have also been skeptical of the Tea Party since I first heard of the political party. I don't think that policical party is even really necessary. Having two politcial parties is good enough for me. On that subject I am skeptical of how the primary elections will turn out and am interested to see who will end up being able to have a strong race against Obama. If I was Republican I would lean toward voting for Mitt Romney or Herman Cain. I am rooting for Obama to get a second term though because I don't think the people of America are giving him a fair enough chance. It's not his fault our country is in the mess it's in. It's President Bush's. It will take him awhile to pick up the pieces which is why he deserves a second term.

I am skeptical of the XFactor. I have watched it twice so far this season and can't make heads or tails on if I want to continue to watch it. I am honestly not sure how it will match up with other realtiy Talent shows like American Idol, America's Got Talent and The Sing Off.

RIP Steve Jobs

Jobs Remembered For Ability To Innovate - Technology News Story - WMUR New Hampshire

Approriately today's Livejournal Writer's Block questions is how did Steve Jobs impact your life? Here are my thoughts

I would say Steve Jobs has certainly affected the way we all communicate strongly. Between Mac Books, Iphones and I Pods, and IPADS. The one gripe I have is that I think it's a rip off that you now have to pay $1.29 for songs on itunes. The best invention Steve Jobs created is probably the ipod. It makes keeping track of your music so much easier and organized than having a whole bunch of CDS all over the place. I have yet to get an IPhone or an IPad. Come to think of it my phone does need an upgrade. Perhaps I will ask for that for Christmas this year.


Thank you Steve Jobs for the huge legacy you have left behind. You will be missed.

Thought For The Day - Soical Networking

Today's Livejouranl Wirter's Block UnPlugged Question is all about Social Networking

I have been all over the social networking spectrum since 2003 when I started my first online diary. With the times I've grown and matured. I've learned what to use a filter of what I say online so I do not hurt people's feelings. Social Networking certainly has its pros and cons. With time and maturity I've outgrown certain sites such as livejournal and myspace. I feel that sometimes people hide behind monikers on social networking sites so they can say mean and hurtful things to people. That is not right and think that is a huge thing that attributes to bullying. At this point in my life I am using social networking sites for professional reasons as I look to expand my freelance writing career. Facebook is becoming less and less user friendly and appealing because all of the recent interface changes and it makes me want to use the website less and less.

Mini Rants

Livejournal Writer's Block Unplugged Questions
Mon 9/19 What Gets You Through The Day
This is simple. Music. I sing in the shower and listen to my ipod whenever I can. It keeps me going.

Wednesday 9/22 Permanent Account
Question: What's been the one thing that's been consistant in your life?
The support of my family and friends most definitley. My parents and sister have always been there for me. I have a very strong support system of friends as well. SO MUCH LOVE FOR EVERYONE!!

Never Forget

Today is the 10th Anniversary on the teriorist attacks. A day of reflection and rememberance.  Approrriately  the  livejournal writer's block question today asks Where Were You?

I was 16 and a sophomore at Souhegan.    It  was the 10 minute break  between 2nd and 3rd period  I was in the school store line waiting to get a chocolate chip cookie.  An announcemnet came over the loudspeaker from Ted Hall to report to our advisories.    We all gathered in our classrooms and watched the  Twin Towers fall on the TV.  I was in shock.   There was a school wide assembly later that day,  I loved how the whole school came together in a time of crisis.

When  Osama Bin Laden was killed this spring  I couldn't have been more overjoyed that the  families of  9/11 victims  have some sort of closure finally.  They had a special episode of World News Tonight on  earlier about the Memorial that opened near Ground Zero. That will be one of my top sites to visit the next time  I go to the city. :)

 The families of all 9/11 victims are in my prayers always! NEVER FORGET!

Random Thoughts

WB Unplugged and   the regular LJ Writer's Block had two really good discussion topics in the past couple days.

Topic  #1 : Obama-Will  I vote for him again?
This question has a simple answer.. yes     Despite what other people may believe  I think Obama is  doing  a great job considering the huge mess that  Bush  left him with.  He needs to be given more of a chance to prove what he can do.  The economy  has fluctuated a lot in the past couple years but  I am hoping it will soon stabilize. None of the of  Republicans who are going up against Obama really stand out to me except for  Mitt Romney and John Huntsman. If Sarah Palin runs and wins  I may move to Canada.

Topic #2  Preventing Bullying
This is a personal issue for me  because I was bullied when  I was younger because of  my learning  disabillities.  I think the one main thing that needs to  be taught to people of all ages is tolerances.  If people  were more tolerant of others differences  there would be less room for bullying.

The Epidemic Of College Football Scandals - National News Story - WMUR New Hampshire

The Epidemic Of College Football Scandals - National News Story - WMUR New Hampshire





This is a very innteresting article on College Football scandals I found on WMUR.com. Never even knew there so many scandels out there in the NCAA but then again I only watch games and follow scores I don't really pay attention much to what goes on behind the scenes.


Also today's livejournal writer's block question was which tv show do you think should be cancelled. I'm going to go with How I Met Your Mother. That show was really good the first season but this past seasons the plots seemed really dull. They need to stop dragging it out so much. I am hopeful that Glee will be better in this last season with the current cast. Last season was not as impressive than season too. All the reality tv shows should be cancelled because they've been on tv too long and are getting really old. Jersey Shore should def be cancelled because it is incredibly offensive to Italians and people from New Jersey.

Mentally sound

I really perfer the Writer's Block Unplugged Questions to the regular Writer's Block Questions on Livejournal. They allow me to go indepth with my thoughts. That's one thing.. probably the only thing I willl miss about livejournal once I make the full transport over to blogspot in a couple weeks. Bored of the LJ atmosphere... have been since December of 06.
Anyway today's Writer's Block Unplugged Question is related to Mental Illness. Granted I can't get to scientific about this kind of stuff because I didn't study psychology but I can answer this question in the best way I can based on personal experience.

The Question: Do we develop mental illness are we born with it?

This is all a matter of opinion honestly and it also depends on people's personal experiences. As I said above it's hard for me to get scientific as I didn't study psychology but maybe those who did study physcology can offer better insight into this topic. From my personal experience I think that it really depends on the situation you are dealt with. One current event this can relate this is the little boy Camden Hughes who was killed in Maine at thebeginning of last month by his mother Juliannne McCreery of Texas. It still baffles me why this woman would even take her son to NH to kill him or for that matter kill herself in NH if she had no family in the New Englanc area. She was obviously under a lot of mental duress but that was no reason to take it out on an innoncent child who had his whole life to live. Absolutely sickening. I just don't get how people like that end up having children.

For those who know me I am pretty happy go lucky person and do not let things get me down very easily. Sure in high school I felt like I didn't fit in at times. Did I let that define me? No, I didn't. Did I let stress get me down? No, I didn't. As far as mental illness goes I have a few family members who have dealt with it but I don't think what's affected them is going to affect me. The only way I can have any kind of relation to this kind of topic is my issue I had with moving on from the Barn Playhouse. I don't really like to talk about that in this blog very often ANYMORE because quite honestly the biggest issue I had in relation to anything related to the Barn was moving on and now that I have moved on I don't want to think about that stuff anymore. Was I depressed about it? I actually can't reallly be sure. I was definitley overanxious though.. mostly for unnecessary reasons. Looking back on everything related to that I would have made things easier for myself had I moved on right after I left New London. Memories aren't forgotten and they will never be as such. Forgetting and being forgetton about were my biggest anxieties at that time. What was all the worry for? Nothing... as I eventually came to realize.

Take me anywhere

LJ Writer's Block 3/26 IF you could go anywhere on vacation where would you go and why?

The question is if I won a trip ANYWHERE where would I go? Well,, options and possibilities are endless
USA
1. Las Vegas= Not for the casinos more so to see a show at Cesars Palace
2. Florida- Disney World and Harry Potter Theme Park at Universal Studios
3. New Orleans...especially during Mardi Gras that would be epically fun
4. California- So I could see the studios where all my favorite movies are made... go to Disney Land and maybe get tickets to be in the audicence of Wheel Of Forturne or Jeopardy.
5. Chicago- My parents when there when my sister did her summer program at Northwestern.. I couldn't go because I was working. They said they had a good time.
6- Atlantic City- Again not for the gambling most likely just because I've never been if I ever get the chance to visit Rae in NJ I hope to go there

I also like to go on a cruise on the Disney Cruise Line or Oasis of The Seas. I also want to eventually go to Canada because I have never been there. Specifically Montreal or Quebec. I'm actually suprised I haven't been to Canada yet. It's the only foriegn country that's somewhat close to the USA

WORLD

1 I really want to go back to Itay to learn more about my roots
2. I want to go to Paris... I've always found it to be enchanting
3. I want to to go England. Mostly to go see a show on the West End and compare it to seeing a Broadway Show.

Mini Musings

Each day livejournal provides food for thought questions. I use them mostly as filler when I have nothing else to write about.. gives me a break from my typical ranting. Some questions cover pretty personal subject matter so those answers won't be shared here. Here are the answers I don't mind sharing. Note: Since these entries get transported into facebook I should remind the people on my livejournal that I will be deleting my livejournal by the end of April or beginning part of May. Be sure to become a follower of this blog via the networkedblogs facebook app. This is representative of a month's worth of Writer's Block Questions



Date Feb 8th: Question What would you purchase with your winnings if you won the lottery?

I wouldn't purchase anything. Instead I would use a majority of my winnings to pay back my loans from NEC then use the rest of it to either go on vacation somewhere or give it to charity.



Date Feb 11th Question Who Is the most overated musician and why?

Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. They are overrated because they can't sing and are made out to seem like they are really good singers. I admit to liking a few of Miley's songs but other than that she is annoying as all hell and Justin Bieber is horrilble. I groan at the fact that there is now a movie out that is a biopic about him. The line at the movies was practically out the door for that movie tonight and I was rolling my eyes at the thought of it. Lady Gaga is also overrated. Her music just isn't too appealing to me except for Bad Romance.

Date Feb 13th Question: What are your best and worst personalitly traits? Do you think your friends would agree?

I don't have many bad personality traits. I think my strongest personality traits are probably my sense of humor, being considerate and being caring. If I could come up with one negative personality trait it would be that I tend get overanxious about things that aren't really that big of a deal.My friends would be able to agree with this.

Date Feb 15th Question When You're Feeling Down What Comfort Foods Do You Enjoy?
1. Anything chocolate
2. Cheez its
3. Carrot Sticks
4. Wheat Thins
5. Macaroni and Cheese

Date Feb 26th Question What song could you listen to 20 times a day without losing interest?
At work in Cardiac Rehab I have been listening to a lot of cds that are mixes that my friend Bridget's sister Tiana made. There are songs on those cds that I don't mind listening to over and over again and I am not sick of them yet. There are other songs like BulletProof by Kesha that I grin and bear it when it comes on.
Date March 15th Are there any events in your past that have made you a stronger person today? Explain why.
In high school I was bullied. I would say that's something pretty important to overcome. In my sophomore year I was the manager of the cheerleading team. The head captain did not want me at the pre-compettion sleep over because she did not feel I was valuable member of the team. I stayed home from school for a few days because I was depressed and very confused about why my friends on the team did not stick up for me. That incident really taught me who my true friends are. I am still friends with most of the people who were on that team with me,, minus the captain. I lost touch with her.
The issue of bullying is still really prevelant in today's society. Based on my own personal experience with the issue and the issues that have over the past couple years primarily what happened at Rutgers University last fall to Tyler Climente ( read my previous entry from October the issue with gay rights) to raise awareness to bullying weather it happens to people who are gay or straight. Bullying is an issue I feel need to be taken seriously.
Another thing that taught me a big lesson was my issues with moving on from the Barn Playhouse. That taught me not to worry so much about things I couldn't control and not to be so overanxious that people were going to forget about me or hate me because I had issues letting go of stuff related to the Barn..

Livejournal WB Uplugged Topic Born This Way

So this technically could go in either this blog or Theatre Is My Life because it related to the Grammys... I chose to post it to this blog though because it doesn't get update qute as much as Theatre Is My Life... plus this blog is more for discussion type topics and the main focus of my Theatre Is My Life blog is supposed to be related to plays I go to see

I am in a community on Livejournal called WB Unplugged. I have posted a few of my writer's block question responses in this blog but WB Unplugged mostly focusses on more mature content and allows people who answer the question on a deeper level of thought. Most of the regular writer's block questions tend to ask the same questions over and over only in differnt format and that can get pretty boring and repettivie after awhile.. this is why I tend more toward answers the WB unplugged questions.


Anyway the WB Unplugged question from yesterday focussed on Lady Gaga's new song Born This Way and the message they think it is trying to portray about sexuality. Depending on what people think of the song they could have a very different viewpoint of its message.

Generally speaking I am pretty a open minded person. I think the song is trying to give the message that people should be more accepting and respetful to people who are gay/bi/lesbian and understand that they love who they love. I am straight. I was in the gay straight alliance when I was at NEC and I learned a lot from being in that club about how people who are gay/lesbian/bi/transgendered all have the same types of feelings straight people do when it comes to love but it's who they love that comes in to question. In the big scheme of things that shouldn't matter too much.. this is why the debate over gay marriage is so frusturating to me.

I guess it's a civil rights thing...only far different than what the blacks dealt with in the 60s.


As for the song itself I'm not sure if I was a fan of it. The chreography was pretty firece but that's the only thing I liked about the performance. I am not really a huge fan of Lady Gaga to begin with. I only like a few songs by her.


Weigh in with your thoughts on this. Are we born this way or is it a choice?

Legit Update

Tuesday I had my women's group meeting We just talked about our holidays and what our goals and resolutions are for 2011 and other random tidbits. Friday night we went to see The King's Speech OMG most amazing and powerful movie I have ever seen. Highly Highly HIGHLY reccommended. If Colin Firth does not win the best actor oscar I will cry. Before the movie we went out to dinner at Mr. G's in Merrimack. It was pretty good. It got chicken stir fry which was delicous.January was ...well snowy. I am to the point where I am sick of the snow and nasty weather. The groundhog did not see his shadow last week so that means spring will be coming sooner. I can't wait for nicer weather. Last Friday I went to the NH Theatre Awards in Machester with my mother. It was a great night. I was so happy that Ashley Hughes and Jennie Leonard won awads. The ceremony was really long and I hope the committe makes an effort to shorten it next year. Saturday afternooon Matt and I were supposed to go to Maine to go visit Cooper and Jon but we cancelled that because there supposed to be another snowstorm and the weather was going to be reallly bad for driving. We ended up postponing( and then of course it didn't end up snowing) so we just hung out at my house. We watched Enchanted which I loved. I highly reccommend it. We then went to the movies to go see The Dillemma. It had its momens but I wouldn't say it laugh out loud funny as it was advertised. It was stilll a good movie though.
My progress meeting for Project Search went really well last Tuesday morning. We talked about issues that needed to be improved on for next rotation and where we see me best fitting in. One of the departments I want to get an internship in doesn't have an internship avaialble but I am still hoping to job shadow the department to ask some questions about what the job expects because it's something I might want to do for a job once I graduate from the program. Largely there are not very many data entry positions which has been largely disappointing for me because that is my biggest strength.Here are my top choices for rotation 31. Mail Delivery2. Front Desk3. Dictation ( if it's an option)3A Surgical DayBack ups 3 North, EndoscopyTuesday and Wednesday I start my job shadowing process. Tuesday morning at 9 I shadow at the Paitent Registration department and Wednesday morning I shadow at the Endoscopy department. Furthur updates to come. For a few review of shadowing and interviews go to :
http://projectsearchblog.blogspot.com/
Last night Matt and I went out for Valentines Day. We went up to New London to see Gershwin A Musical Revue. Before the play we went out to dinner at The Millstone Resturant and Pub.. my favorite resturant in New London. I had many fond memories there from cast parties at the Barn Playhouse. I guess I was unaware that their menu constantly changes because they did not have Bruschetta which I was really excited about eating again because it's my favorite thing to get there. I had lobster ravioli which was delicious. The play was wonderful a few of my former Annie Get Your Gun cast mates were in it and it was so great to see them again. Lovely weekend! For a review of the show go to http://theatrerevieer826.blogspot.com/
The play has been going very well. I am having a blast being in it. Today we had rehearsal for the Marian The Libarian dance which went fabulous. I also got fitted for my costume today which was extra exciting! Pictures to come!
That's all for now . Time to watch the Grammys.
Janine
Movie Ratings for Jan/Feb
True Grit A
Enchanted B+
The Dilllema B-/C
The King's Speech A+


Livejournal Writer's Block Questions 2/14 Hit The Road Cupid
I was cynical about Valentines Day for the longest time. I actually wrote an essay for one of my journalism classes at NEC about how much I hated it and thought it was overcommerlized. Given the time I took the class which was spring of my junior year it fit the time period very well. I had just gotten out or crappy relationship that resulted in me being cheated on and was upset about that for pretty much the whole semester. I was often jealous of all my friends who had boyfriends and girlfriends and wished I could be as happy as they were in their relationships. I was actually the same way all through out high school as well.Things have drastically changed though. I am now in a relationship with the most amazing guy ever and we have shared some great valentines memories. This weekend we went to New London to go see a play and go out to dinner at the Millstone Resturant. I 'm sure that in the years to come there will be many more fond Valentines Day memories.

Livejournal Writer's Block- Keep Your Head on The Ground and Keep Reaching for The Stars

As Project Search reaches its halfway point I have thought about where I see myself fitting in at the hospital. I have enjoyed my frirst two internships immensly but have determined that I would perfer a job better that has more paitent interaction. I love being around people. Data entry work is okay but it can get tedious after awhile. Tomorrow I have a progress meeting about this rotation and what my hope for next rotation is. A few weeks ago all the interns had a meeting with the Business Advisory Council about jobs we hope to get. I asked about data entry jobs and they said they are plentiful at other locations. St Joe's doesn't really have a lot of oppotuniteis available right now but who knows what could change in the next couple months. Hopefully my last roation and a look over the broad perspective of the program will help me to figure out where I best fit in the hospital.My main goal by June is to be looking for a job and be halfway to employment by the middle or end of summer. I am hoping to move out of my house and into an apartment in Nashua or whereever I end up finding a job by late summer or early fall. This is my hope. Hopefully things work out in my favor because lord knows I am SICK of being unemployed and living in a town that has limited social life such as Amherst. Other than that everything else things will fall into place. I have thrown around the idea of going back to grad school bit for right now I think it's best to focus on working so I can start to pay back my NEC loans Matt and I hope to move in together by falll 2012. We will see how things go with that. It will depend largely on both us finding steady job and a place we can both afford. Portsmouth is main area I have my heart set one. I am in love with that town!

Quote from Good Morning Baltimore from the Broadway musical Hairspray
My ma tells me no
But my feet tell me go!
It's like a drummer inside my heart
Oh, oh, oh
Don't make me wait
One more moment for my life to start...

Livejournal Writer's Block- Work Work Work

Livejournal Writer's block question from July which I have furthur expanded on.
Question: Would you perfer to work at a job you love that makes no money or work at a job you hate that make little money? (or something of the sort, don't remember the exact phrasing of the question)
This writer's block question was from July none of the recent writer's block questions appeal to me so I am basically going through my archives and updating old writer's block entries for the time being.I don't know the proper way to answer this question. I feel it important to like what you are doing so you are not insanely bored to death but it is also crucial to make money to pay the bills. One of my career goals is to do public relations work for a theatre. Ultimately I know of job of this nature will not supply me with a substanial income. In geneal jobs have been hard to come by since I graduated from college two years ago. What I have learned in time that I have had in the vast amount of time since I've been in the job market is what job fit me and what jobs don't fit me. For example retail does not fit me. I find certain aspects of working in retail to be quite stressful. This primarily came to the forefront in 2009 when I worked at Target on Black Friday. I realized that in certain situations I was not as good under preassure as I thought as I was. Similar type of thing happened at Callogix when I had to deal with irate people on the phone who were unhappy with the products they had purchased. Since I have been in Project Search I have found myself being successful. My current intenrship in Cardiac Rehab is going very well and I am very much enjoying it. I have learned a lot not only about the department itself but also the different aspects or heart disease that the patients can suffer from. As I look ahead into the new year my main goal is to graduate from Project Search and find a decent job so I can move out of my house and get my own apartment. As much as I love my family I am certainly getting to the point where I am ready for a change and a little bit more independance. Matt and I have made a joint goal to save up to move in together by the fall of 2012, This means we proabably won't be taking anymore big vacations for at least another year or year and a half. Instead we may go on little mini weekend trips to Cape Cod or the White Mountains. In a way I wish the career development class I took senior year at NEC has prepared me more for life after college. In certain ways I feel like I have gained more skills from the job training programs I have done since I graduated then what I learned in that class...though I guess the point of the class was to introduce people to interview skills and resume writing.

LJ Question of The Day:Winter Holidays

I love Christmas even though it may be a tad bit overcommercialized. When I was younger I was more into getting presents but now that I'm older I see it more as a time to spend quality time with family and friends. Christmas traditions include going to the Christmas Tree Lighting in Amherst (which we're doing for the first time in 5 years) , having Christmas Eve Dinner at one on aunt's houses in Massachettts (mom's side) and having dinner at my aunt's house in Burlington Mass (dad's side of the family) in which my cousins and i always play spoons which can turn into a quite compettive card game ( which I always lose) My mom's extended family also has a family reunion where we get together at a resturant in Boston and have dinner. As far as my friends go we have gone to the Nashua Holiday Stroll two days in a row and also the Milford Holiday Stroll. We also go see a holiday play. Last year we saw Judy's Scary Christmas put on by MAD CO (Music and Drama Company of Londonderry which is now defucnt) This year Matt is taking me to see Christmas Carol at Peacock Players. I am also going to see Miracle on 34th Street at Milford Area Players with my mom next Friday as part of my Christmas present to her.

As far as New Years Eve the last big celebration my family had was in 2000 for the new millenium since then New Years Eve has been really low key. Last year Soyna Matt and I went to Peacock Players to see Night of A Thousand Stars which was fun.. they had light refreshments dancing and and a chamapange toast after the play. This year I am not sure what I am doing for New Years Eve yet... on New Years day I wil be going to Maine for Matt's mother's wedding which I am really excited about.


Part One of Holiday Events Update to come on the 11th

Livejournal Crossover- Moving on and Family Adventures

Another crossover entry from livejournal actually most of these entries are livejournal implants.


So this entry kind of bounces off the entry I wrote last week after Maggie Politi emailed my mom. For the record I am very grateful to Maggie for emailing my mother. :) It has been no secret at all that I have depressed about stuff related to the Barn Playhouse. I have tried to deny that for the longest time and hide it from other people. I can no longer do this. It drives me too crazy. If you are a frequent reader of this LJ you should plainly be able to see how up and down I have been about stuff related to the Barn in the past three years. Maggie's email was really eye opening for me because it not only showed me that the people from my intern company are generally concerned about how I obsessed I have been when it comes to stuff related to the Barn but the fact I have outwardly denied this obsession for the past two years and have forced myself to believe that my depression has fully gone away when it's not even close to that point. Lots of stress and anxiety built up over time and I truly feel bad about taking that anxiety out on other people because for the most part they didn't deserve it. This anxiety is what caused me to send emails to everyone in my intern company constantly apologizing for the way I was acting. For the most part a lot of that apologizing was generally unnecessary and if I could turn back time I most likely would have never sent out to those emails to begin with. I used to be worried that the way I acted may have long term affect on my relationships with these people and I may be burning bridges for business contacts but that may not be totally and completely be the case. I have too much emotional baggage to deal with and honestly I think it would be best to talk to someone professional to help me through this. I know that I can get through this.. I just can't deal with it on my own anymore because I just end up getting back into the negative thought process thinking that the people from my intern company aren't going to be freinds with me anymore because of the way that I acted or don't like me because that for the most part is not true. At this point I need to totally reinvent myself. I will wait till things turn around to contact people from my intern company again or better yet wait until the contact me first so I do not get too in their face with sending them too many emails. I need to start distancing myself from thinking about stuff related to the Barn. I do not plan on going back there this summer to see any plays. The only way I can fully gain closure to this depression is to eliminate even considering going to see shows there no matter how good the summer line up is. I really should have done that last year.. that would have saved me a lot of anxiety to be perfectly honest. I am doing research of other theatres in NH to go see plays at this summer aside from Summer Theatre in Meredith Village. Winnipasaukee Playhouse and Ogunquit Playouse are at the top of my list so far. Totally eliminating the Barn from my list of venues will help me heal better.. perhaps once this depression 100% goes away I will consider going back to the Barn again but this summer is not the best time to do that as I am still in the healing process. My mom suggested I get a new hobby besides theatre and that might be something I'm willing to try doing.. theatre will stil be a huge part of my life though no matter what. Any other suggestions for how I can reinvent myself would be welcomed.



Today's Livejournal Writer's Block Question was about family adventures. My favorite family adventure up to this point was when I went to Italy two summers ago. I adored it and am absolutley itching to go back. We spent the first two days in Florence and Venice and then spent the rest of the time in the Tuscany Vallley with our realtives who live in Arrezzo.