Key Word of the Day: Revitiliazation

Since I turned 24 I feel like I have suddenly gained a new lease on life. I feel like I have revitalized myself. I have been 24 for almost a month (my birthday was August 26th) and I feel like things are looking up.
I feel like most of the past two years was mostly spent in isolation in a lot of way due to my depression related to the Barn Playhouse and all subsequent issues related to my falling out with Will Porter.
In regard to this I have realized the following things:
* No one in my intern company has forgotten about me.. and no matter how much I tend to doubt it Will most likely hasn't either.
* As much as I drove myself crazy with thinking Will does not hate me or think I'm a stalker.
*Memories of Summer 2007 are never forgotten and never will be forgotten
* I need to stop apologizing and feeling so guilty. People forgive me. I just need to forgive myself and let things go. Had I done that a while ago I would have made thinga a lot easier for myself and wouldn't have had to put myself through anxiety and put my friends through unnessary stress that they did not need to deal with.

The transition in regards to stuff related to the Barn took longer than it really should have. Time to put the past in the past.. where it belongs. Lock it up and throw away the key. Memories are never forgotten or lost.

Stuff related to the Barn was not the only transition that I had issues with,,, when I graduated from NEC last May that transition was really hard because I was starting my own life away from NEC and life at NEC was going on without me. I felt rather distant from all my friends from NEC and in a lot of ways I still do. I still keep in touch with the main people (Cooper,Erin and Stacey) but other than that I feel like things are changing too much.


Part of my revitialization and reinvention process invovles focussing on the here and now. Much of the past two years has been far to fouccesed on the past and I can no longer let the present pass me by. That will not be very good for me. As I said time to put the past in the past.
In the prior entry I mentioned I am going back to school to study Speech and Language Pathology at the tech college in Nashua. Those classes are going quite well and I find myself developing a new and deeper knowledge or language and how it is formed. Something I never really gave much thought to in the past. My goal in going back to school is to hopefully go to Graduate School at UNH for speech and language disorders and work for a school system. My relationship with Matt has been going fabulous. We have been going out for a year and I seriously could not be any happier in that regard. I also recently got a part time job at Target as a fitting room attendant/cashier. I am starting training next week and can not wait. Once I get a bit more money the next idea I have in my reinvention and revitilazation process is to join a gym or take some kind of fitness or yoga class.

Additionally, though i am not definitley sure of this yet my revitlization process may include getting rid of facebook. I feel as if the use of facebook really does hinder my maturity in a lot of ways. In order to prove to people I am mature I feel like the one thing I sould do is to get rid of the thing that hinders my maturity level. Deleting facebook is not set in stone yet. I am still deciding if that is the best thing to do at this point.




Update Dec 14th Since I wrote this entry I have thought long and hard about continuing with Speech Language Pathology or simply reconsidered going back to school in general. I was shocked and quite proud of myself when I got a B in Speech and Language Development..that was unexpected. When it came down to the cold hard truth of the matter there were some aspects of this field that I feel and my mom and professor agree that my disabilities could hinder. I was disappointed with the decision originally but then relaized that I have to be sensible too. IF I was struggling with certain aspects of the course material I would only continue to struggle more as the classes continued to get harder. Plus the classes were way too expensive and at the current time I could not afford them.. financially it is not possible for me to continue at this time because I have to keep in mind that I have also pay back my loans from NEC back and the last thing I want to do is add more financial stress to myself by having to pay back additional loans. Right now I am trying to apply for a job training program at St Joesph's Hopsital in Nashua and if I get accepted into that I may decide to swtich my major and study Medical Coding. If I don't end up getting into the job training program then I will just continue to work at Target until I find a job that gives me more substanial pay.

So releived!

The job search is finally over. Yesterday I had an interview at Target and was hired on the spot as a fitting room attendant and cashier. I feel things are starting to finally fall into place in my life. Great boyfriend. School is going well and now I don't have to be under so much iminent preasssure to pay my loans back from New England College.


There is however the ongoing lingering issue of how much time I spend on facebook and how frusturated people seem to be getting with me by sending too many group messages. This has been an issue ever since I left the Barn Playhouse two summers ago. I am well aware with what I need to change about the way I act so that way friendships are not put on the line. Now that I have school and work to focus on my time spent on facebook will be drastically cut back.

Job Search Update

Job search update

Market Basket

• Milford-  All positions filled
• Nashua  near  TJ  Maxx and Panera   All positions filled
• Nashua Somerset Plaza   Applied for a day position for  cashiering. Will hear back to set up an interview with in the next week.

After School Programs

• Adult Learning Center  Position filled but a new position could open up at any moment
  
• 21st Century-  Still wating to hear back.     Weather or not I get the job depends on enrollment.  Same thing applies for New Morning School. They are supposed to call me back on  Tuesday.

TJ Maxx called me in for a second interview on Friday so that looks promising.

I applied at Wallgreens and am going to apply for a data entry job at a staffing center in Wilton tomorrow.

In other news school started last night and  I think I am in for a really challenging semester. This class involves a lot of reading and analysis.   The analysis will be the difficult thing.  I have made the ultimate decision that it is a bad idea to get involved in clubs and activities on campus.  I will not have time between academics and working if I ever get a job.   The only club  I will have time for will be Speech and Language Path Club  since that club applies to my major and  will  mostly be used as  a study group   but we are also getting guest speakers to come in too.  Film Club was debatable for awhile and  I am still not sure about that. 

Later

Janine

Back to realtity

This weekend I went to New Jersey for a family function. On the way we went on college tour of Vassar College in Pouhkeepsie New York. My sister is trying to get a feel for where she wants to go next year and Vassar is one of the 10 colleges on her list. We were all kind of exhausted from traveling and it was raining so it wasn't as enjoyable as I would have liked to be. We ended up taking a tour again by ourselves Saturday afternoon after we went to the FDR Meusuem. The mesuem was neat. I didn't really know too much about FDR, his presidency or his family life. I am not typically a huge fan of museums no matter what the subject matter of it is but this was very interesting. After the musuem and our second tour of Vassar we headed to my uncle's house in New Jersey where we had lobster for dinner. Then me and my sister went over to my cousin Jessica's house to sleep over. Yesterday was her daugther's christening which was a very nice ceremony. My sister is the godmother to the baby. There will be pictures up soon both on her and on facebook. After that we had a huge catered lunch at my uncle's house which I was very full by the end of. I got a suprise when my aunt's sister invited me to go see a play at Drew University with her her husband and her granddaughter. The play was called Noises Off. It was quite funny... I haven't laughed so hard in awhile. Today we left my uncle's at 10am and took two mini college tours of Fairfield University and Conneticut College. My sister had mixed feelings about Fairfield but really likes Conneticut and that is proably going to move up to the top of her list right next to Northwestern and BU. I thought both campusses were very pretty.

Now it's back to reality.. and the bleakness of the job search. I still haven't heard back from TJ Maxx yet so I am curious to know if they made their decision. Let's hope that works out.. I really need a job. School is also starting and I am excited about that this semester has laid ahead for me.

Time for bed. This weekend has been long. I am exhausted.

Janine