I really should go to bed because I have a pretty long day tomorrow that starts @ 9:30am and ends at 9:30pm (work at the Chamber of Commerce, work and Wizard of Oz Rehearsal)
So this entry is in regards to my depression related to the theatre I used to work at three summers ago.. I am doing better.. every day I am doing better. Two weekends ago I went to New London for ChocolateFest at Colby Saywer College. It was definitley worth the trip. I have never tasted so much delicious chocolate in one sitting. I am surprised I didn't gain weight from all the chocolate I ate. I wonder who ended up winning the contest. After chocolate fest went out for a late lunch at Screwiez Lewiez Italain resturant which is right down the the street from the college. The bar we had Will Porter's 21st birthday party at went out of business and that was the resturant that replaced it. Real good food there! :) Danielle Smerald, one of the junior interns from my intern company works there and we talked at length about how much the Barn has changed over the course of the past 3 years. We mutally agree that it has been disconcerning but at the same time there is nothing we can do to change what has happened. We just have to roll with the punches. She said the Barn has lost quite a few supporters since the management changeover which isn't too shocking because a lot of people really liked Nancy so she when opened her theatre in Meredith they started going there. I may go to see a Junior Intern show at the Barn this summer because there are a couple kids who I directed in Bravery Soup who still are still part of that group. This willl largely be determined by budget and scheduling. I think the issue I had was accepting the fact the Barn was changing and would never be the same as when I was there and I was in denial for such a long time which is probably why I got so emotionally attached to things that were going on. I think now that I have finally accepted things I can finally start the process of moving forward.. funny how it has taken 3 years... I feel like I should have taken a lot less longer to move on. I am not afraid of my depression coming back if I go to see shows at the Barn.. I don't know why I worried about that so much in in first place honestly. All I do know is that the Barn is not the same as it was when Nancy was there. I may not be too happy with the changes but there's not much I can do except keep the memories of my summer there close to my heart because at this point memories are all I will have of that place.Whsper words or wisdom.. let it be.
Last week was really busy. On top of work I had two job interviews one which I should have cancllened because I realized before I even went to it that I wouldn't be able to handle the job (Elisha's) and one which went really well (Giorgios) I am supposed to hear back from Giorgios in the next couple days and I really hope they call me back for a second interview. Thursday was Evening of Dance at SHS,,, Kristin's last EOD, Such a good show. Saturday Cooper Matt and I went to Henniker for the annual Movement Concert that the dance department puts on. It was the best one I have ever seen for serious. :) Yesterday was Mother's Day and we went to Masschuetts to go visit my grandmothers. I overate because I had the worst stomache when I got home last night.
Quick update ... time for bed now!
Janine
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
SummerJob update
Didn't get the job at Camp Allen and I'm quite disappointed. On the plus side they are keeping my application on file and will call me back next year for an interview. I have 2 resturant hostess jobs on Tuesday at 1:30 and Thursday @ 4:30. Hopefully those go well. *crosses fingers*
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
My latest poem
Rebirth
Spring is a time of rebirthregenerationnot only for plants
but for people like me
Depression has dragged me down
for too long
I can't let it impact me anymore
let the past be the past
and let it all go
memories are locked away in a special corner of my mind
Time to let go of all these senseless fearsa
nd childish insecurities
let them flow away downstream
Time heals all wounds
and God forgives us for all misgivings
I have found that prayer has gotten
me through this tough time
I just need to let things go
and forgive myself
Whisper words of wisdom
let it be.
relevant to my Barn Playhouse depression.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Personal Blog Phase Out
The more I think about it the more this blog and my livejournal will eventually phase themselves out. I just see no point in having a blog about my personal life. Mostly because I feel like my life should not be broadcast over the interent. When something personal goes on my life that I feel is private I take a break from writing in here because there are things in my life that are best kept of the interent. It's not that i'm a secretive person... I just know how to keep private things private.
I was supposed to hear back on the Camp Allen interview. So anxious to find out if I got the job. I am really hoping that I got it. If I didn't then I have the Camp Naticook and Boys and Girls Club of Souhegan Valley theatre camp apps to fall back on other than that I am stuck. I may end up calling Target to see if they are looking for summer help or call back osme of the resturants that I applied for hostess jobs to see if they are hiring again.. other than that I am out of ideas.
This weekend I relaxed on Friday after work then Saturday night I went to Karaoke at Grand Buffett with Sonya. I think we'll start frequenting that place more often instead of Fridays because they get a better turn out. I sang three songs New New York by Frank Sinatra, Let It Be by The Beatles and Cabaret from the Broadway musical Cabaret. I channelled my inner Liza Minelli for the last one and the channelling was pretty successful except for the high note at the end. Yesterday it was not so great weather which was unfortunate because we were supposed to go on a picnic and hike in Mine Falls Park.. instead we went to the movies and saw Shutter Island. Something about that movie did not sit right with me and I can't exactly pin point ... maybe it's just the fact that Leonardo Dicaprio has played better roles in other movies that role in my opinon was simply not his best. Today I worked at the chamber of commerce and then went to go Milford Cabinet Article interviews which were very successful. :)
I was supposed to hear back on the Camp Allen interview. So anxious to find out if I got the job. I am really hoping that I got it. If I didn't then I have the Camp Naticook and Boys and Girls Club of Souhegan Valley theatre camp apps to fall back on other than that I am stuck. I may end up calling Target to see if they are looking for summer help or call back osme of the resturants that I applied for hostess jobs to see if they are hiring again.. other than that I am out of ideas.
This weekend I relaxed on Friday after work then Saturday night I went to Karaoke at Grand Buffett with Sonya. I think we'll start frequenting that place more often instead of Fridays because they get a better turn out. I sang three songs New New York by Frank Sinatra, Let It Be by The Beatles and Cabaret from the Broadway musical Cabaret. I channelled my inner Liza Minelli for the last one and the channelling was pretty successful except for the high note at the end. Yesterday it was not so great weather which was unfortunate because we were supposed to go on a picnic and hike in Mine Falls Park.. instead we went to the movies and saw Shutter Island. Something about that movie did not sit right with me and I can't exactly pin point ... maybe it's just the fact that Leonardo Dicaprio has played better roles in other movies that role in my opinon was simply not his best. Today I worked at the chamber of commerce and then went to go Milford Cabinet Article interviews which were very successful. :)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Bracket Blahs!
So my March Madness Bracket is officially screwed now...at least for the guys. Syracuse Xavier and Cornell were eliminated last night. Those were al teams I had predicted to make it to the next round. My lucky streak has run out unfortunatley.
On the Girls Side things are looking a little bit better
Predictions for the next round
Conn will beat Iowa State
FLA State will beat Misssissippi State
Duke will beat San Diego State
Baylor will beat Tenneesee
Stanford will beat Georgia
Xavier will beat Gonzaga
Kentucky will beat Michigan State
Oaklahoma woll beat Notre Dame
Update: So I have negelected to update this blog with March Madness scores.
On the men's side Duke won the championship and on the women's side UCONN won the championship.
On the Girls Side things are looking a little bit better
Predictions for the next round
Conn will beat Iowa State
FLA State will beat Misssissippi State
Duke will beat San Diego State
Baylor will beat Tenneesee
Stanford will beat Georgia
Xavier will beat Gonzaga
Kentucky will beat Michigan State
Oaklahoma woll beat Notre Dame
Update: So I have negelected to update this blog with March Madness scores.
On the men's side Duke won the championship and on the women's side UCONN won the championship.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Goals update
Predictions for 2010
1. Matt and I will save enough money to get an apartment in Portsmouth. Long term goal over the the next two or three years
2. Heather Matt and I will all get full time jobs
- Me: Got into two job training programs one which I am currently in and one which begins August 31st.
- Heather: Got a part time job at Dollar Tree and is going back to school in September
- Matt: Got a tempoary job at Boston Biomedics doing data entry scanning.
SO EXCITED!! Things are finally starting to look up for the three of us.
3. Go to Italy for Lucia's wedding
4. I will get a job at Summer Theatre in Meredith Village this summer. Nope.
5. Kristin and Cameron will get into their top choice colleges C- Bowdoin K- Vassar Cam Babson Kristin got a full ride scholarship to the journalism program at Ithaca SO HAPPY FOR HER!
6. Go to New York in March to see A Little Night Muisc. If not then go to NY in November for the Macyy's Parade Trip for March got postponed til August. The show we're going to see is being debated at this point.
7. All Boston sports teams (college and pro) will win the playoffs
BC beat Wisconsin 5-2 in the NCAA Hockey Tournament Did not make the tournament for Basketball. The Bruins and Celtics season is winding down. I think the the Bruins have a good shot at getting into the playoffs. Not too sure about the Celts... haven't really been following them too closely. The Sox are off to a great start so far this season. :)
8. Anh and Lucia will visit Another long term predicition
9. Housing market and economy will stabalize
10. Afghanistan war will end
1 8 and 9 are long term predicitons.
Did so much better with this predictions. At this point last year none of my predicitions were even close to coming true. This year is certainly looking up! :)
Being critical and transitiosn
Two totally unrelated discussion topics in this entry.. that's okay though this blog is all about my random thoughts.
I am definitley more critcial of myself. I think part of maturity involoves moving on and stopping comparing myself to other people I did that a lot at NEC in terms of my grades and it made things more stressful for me because I felt like I was in compettion with everyone to get straight As and I never felt compleltly fullfilled. Keri Racicot pointed out to me at one point that what you learn from a class should be important than the grade you get. She is right. If I had that mindset throughout my educational career at NEC I would have made things a lot eaiser for myself.
Livejournal Writer's block Question Apr 8th : Do you find yourself more critical of yourself or more critical of others?
The past two years have been a transitional period for me between dealing with my Barn Playhouse depression and dealing with alll the drama from all my friends from NEC and the eventaul dissovle of my group of friends that was more like a second family to me. That split was been discussed in a few earlier entries. As I have previously said it would have been so much easier for me if I had distanced myself from the drama that was happening at NEC in the beginning and found out about after everything took place once everything had happened. Then I would not have had to deal with the stress of getting emails from people about problems that did not concern me.. I found that to be the most obnoxious part of this whole situation and I can kind of see where my friends from the Barn Playhouse are coming from when they said they got annoyed with me for sending so many repettive emails about stuff related to the Barn Playhouse. It's funny how two unrelated things can link together so fundamentally.
This weekend Matt and I went to Maine and met up wth Jon Cooper and Jon's friends from church to go bowling. Jon's church friends seemed nice and I hope to do more stuff with them whenever Matt and I venture up to Maine. We went to the mall yesterday and I brought the A Little Night Music soundtrack which I can't wait to listen to. I also brought Season 1-4 of American Idol on DVD which was on sale used for $2.99. Over lunch Jon Cooper Matt and I discussed at length how split apart our group of NEC friends has gotten in the past year and a half. Pretty much the same discussion that we had with Leanna and Laura before the CTE show a week ago. It was a mutual agreement between the four of us that NEC does not feel the same to us when we visit there mostly because people's immaturity has split our group of friends apart and we can no longer meet up with everyone like we used to. We decided it is best to focus on the people from NEC who we still talk to and open up our group to new friends like Sonya and Jon's friends from church. The last time I plan on going to Henniker this semester is for the Movement Concert on May 8th. Other than that for the most part me and Matt have come to the ultimate decision that we're only going to go up to NEC for alumni events and that will be the extent of how often we go up there. I joined a facebook group that plans events for people who just graduated college. Hopefully this will be a good way to meet new people and expand our circle of friends.
I am definitley more critcial of myself. I think part of maturity involoves moving on and stopping comparing myself to other people I did that a lot at NEC in terms of my grades and it made things more stressful for me because I felt like I was in compettion with everyone to get straight As and I never felt compleltly fullfilled. Keri Racicot pointed out to me at one point that what you learn from a class should be important than the grade you get. She is right. If I had that mindset throughout my educational career at NEC I would have made things a lot eaiser for myself.
Livejournal Writer's block Question Apr 8th : Do you find yourself more critical of yourself or more critical of others?
The past two years have been a transitional period for me between dealing with my Barn Playhouse depression and dealing with alll the drama from all my friends from NEC and the eventaul dissovle of my group of friends that was more like a second family to me. That split was been discussed in a few earlier entries. As I have previously said it would have been so much easier for me if I had distanced myself from the drama that was happening at NEC in the beginning and found out about after everything took place once everything had happened. Then I would not have had to deal with the stress of getting emails from people about problems that did not concern me.. I found that to be the most obnoxious part of this whole situation and I can kind of see where my friends from the Barn Playhouse are coming from when they said they got annoyed with me for sending so many repettive emails about stuff related to the Barn Playhouse. It's funny how two unrelated things can link together so fundamentally.
This weekend Matt and I went to Maine and met up wth Jon Cooper and Jon's friends from church to go bowling. Jon's church friends seemed nice and I hope to do more stuff with them whenever Matt and I venture up to Maine. We went to the mall yesterday and I brought the A Little Night Music soundtrack which I can't wait to listen to. I also brought Season 1-4 of American Idol on DVD which was on sale used for $2.99. Over lunch Jon Cooper Matt and I discussed at length how split apart our group of NEC friends has gotten in the past year and a half. Pretty much the same discussion that we had with Leanna and Laura before the CTE show a week ago. It was a mutual agreement between the four of us that NEC does not feel the same to us when we visit there mostly because people's immaturity has split our group of friends apart and we can no longer meet up with everyone like we used to. We decided it is best to focus on the people from NEC who we still talk to and open up our group to new friends like Sonya and Jon's friends from church. The last time I plan on going to Henniker this semester is for the Movement Concert on May 8th. Other than that for the most part me and Matt have come to the ultimate decision that we're only going to go up to NEC for alumni events and that will be the extent of how often we go up there. I joined a facebook group that plans events for people who just graduated college. Hopefully this will be a good way to meet new people and expand our circle of friends.
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