My latest poem

Rebirth

Spring is a time of rebirth
regenerationnot only for plants
but for people like me
Depression has dragged me down
for too long
I can't let it impact me anymore
let the past be the past
and let it all go
memories are locked away in a special corner of my mind
Time to let go of all these senseless fearsa
nd childish insecurities
let them flow away downstream
Time heals all wounds
and God forgives us for all misgivings
I have found that prayer has gotten
me through this tough time
I just need to let things go
and forgive myself
Whisper words of wisdom
let it be.


relevant to my Barn Playhouse depression.

Personal Blog Phase Out

The more I think about it the more this blog and my livejournal will eventually phase themselves out. I just see no point in having a blog about my personal life. Mostly because I feel like my life should not be broadcast over the interent. When something personal goes on my life that I feel is private I take a break from writing in here because there are things in my life that are best kept of the interent. It's not that i'm a secretive person... I just know how to keep private things private.

I was supposed to hear back on the Camp Allen interview. So anxious to find out if I got the job. I am really hoping that I got it. If I didn't then I have the Camp Naticook and Boys and Girls Club of Souhegan Valley theatre camp apps to fall back on other than that I am stuck. I may end up calling Target to see if they are looking for summer help or call back osme of the resturants that I applied for hostess jobs to see if they are hiring again.. other than that I am out of ideas.

This weekend I relaxed on Friday after work then Saturday night I went to Karaoke at Grand Buffett with Sonya. I think we'll start frequenting that place more often instead of Fridays because they get a better turn out. I sang three songs New New York by Frank Sinatra, Let It Be by The Beatles and Cabaret from the Broadway musical Cabaret. I channelled my inner Liza Minelli for the last one and the channelling was pretty successful except for the high note at the end. Yesterday it was not so great weather which was unfortunate because we were supposed to go on a picnic and hike in Mine Falls Park.. instead we went to the movies and saw Shutter Island. Something about that movie did not sit right with me and I can't exactly pin point ... maybe it's just the fact that Leonardo Dicaprio has played better roles in other movies that role in my opinon was simply not his best. Today I worked at the chamber of commerce and then went to go Milford Cabinet Article interviews which were very successful. :)

Bracket Blahs!

So my March Madness Bracket is officially screwed now...at least for the guys. Syracuse Xavier and Cornell were eliminated last night. Those were al teams I had predicted to make it to the next round. My lucky streak has run out unfortunatley.

On the Girls Side things are looking a little bit better
Predictions for the next round
Conn will beat Iowa State
FLA State will beat Misssissippi State
Duke will beat San Diego State
Baylor will beat Tenneesee
Stanford will beat Georgia
Xavier will beat Gonzaga
Kentucky will beat Michigan State
Oaklahoma woll beat Notre Dame


Update: So I have negelected to update this blog with March Madness scores.
On the men's side Duke won the championship and on the women's side UCONN won the championship.

Goals update

Predictions for 2010
1. Matt and I will save enough money to get an apartment in Portsmouth. Long term goal over the the next two or three years
2. Heather Matt and I will all get full time jobs

• Me: Got into two job training programs one which I am currently in and one which begins August 31st.
• Heather: Got a part time job at Dollar Tree and is going back to school in September
• Matt: Got a tempoary job at Boston Biomedics doing data entry scanning.

SO EXCITED!! Things are finally starting to look up for the three of us.
3. Go to Italy for Lucia's wedding
4. I will get a job at Summer Theatre in Meredith Village this summer. Nope.
5. Kristin and Cameron will get into their top choice colleges C- Bowdoin K- Vassar Cam Babson Kristin got a full ride scholarship to the journalism program at Ithaca SO HAPPY FOR HER!
6. Go to New York in March to see A Little Night Muisc. If not then go to NY in November for the Macyy's Parade Trip for March got postponed til August. The show we're going to see is being debated at this point.
7. All Boston sports teams (college and pro) will win the playoffs

BC beat Wisconsin 5-2 in the NCAA Hockey Tournament Did not make the tournament for Basketball. The Bruins and Celtics season is winding down. I think the the Bruins have a good shot at getting into the playoffs. Not too sure about the Celts... haven't really been following them too closely. The Sox are off to a great start so far this season. :)
8. Anh and Lucia will visit Another long term predicition
9. Housing market and economy will stabalize
10. Afghanistan war will end

1 8 and 9 are long term predicitons.

Did so much better with this predictions. At this point last year none of my predicitions were even close to coming true. This year is certainly looking up! :)

Being critical and transitiosn

Two totally unrelated discussion topics in this entry.. that's okay though this blog is all about my random thoughts.

I am definitley more critcial of myself. I think part of maturity involoves moving on and stopping comparing myself to other people I did that a lot at NEC in terms of my grades and it made things more stressful for me because I felt like I was in compettion with everyone to get straight As and I never felt compleltly fullfilled. Keri Racicot pointed out to me at one point that what you learn from a class should be important than the grade you get. She is right. If I had that mindset throughout my educational career at NEC I would have made things a lot eaiser for myself.

Livejournal Writer's block Question Apr 8th : Do you find yourself more critical of yourself or more critical of others?

The past two years have been a transitional period for me between dealing with my Barn Playhouse depression and dealing with alll the drama from all my friends from NEC and the eventaul dissovle of my group of friends that was more like a second family to me. That split was been discussed in a few earlier entries. As I have previously said it would have been so much easier for me if I had distanced myself from the drama that was happening at NEC in the beginning and found out about after everything took place once everything had happened. Then I would not have had to deal with the stress of getting emails from people about problems that did not concern me.. I found that to be the most obnoxious part of this whole situation and I can kind of see where my friends from the Barn Playhouse are coming from when they said they got annoyed with me for sending so many repettive emails about stuff related to the Barn Playhouse. It's funny how two unrelated things can link together so fundamentally.

This weekend Matt and I went to Maine and met up wth Jon Cooper and Jon's friends from church to go bowling. Jon's church friends seemed nice and I hope to do more stuff with them whenever Matt and I venture up to Maine. We went to the mall yesterday and I brought the A Little Night Music soundtrack which I can't wait to listen to. I also brought Season 1-4 of American Idol on DVD which was on sale used for $2.99. Over lunch Jon Cooper Matt and I discussed at length how split apart our group of NEC friends has gotten in the past year and a half. Pretty much the same discussion that we had with Leanna and Laura before the CTE show a week ago. It was a mutual agreement between the four of us that NEC does not feel the same to us when we visit there mostly because people's immaturity has split our group of friends apart and we can no longer meet up with everyone like we used to. We decided it is best to focus on the people from NEC who we still talk to and open up our group to new friends like Sonya and Jon's friends from church. The last time I plan on going to Henniker this semester is for the Movement Concert on May 8th. Other than that for the most part me and Matt have come to the ultimate decision that we're only going to go up to NEC for alumni events and that will be the extent of how often we go up there. I joined a facebook group that plans events for people who just graduated college. Hopefully this will be a good way to meet new people and expand our circle of friends.

Update

So let's see what's been going on.....
The summer camp application process seems to be hitting a dead end. I still need to send in two more applications but mosst of the places I have called have all their positions filled. I had an interview on Monday afternoon at Camp Alllen in Bedford on Monday and that went very well. I am really hoping I get the job there because I really had a great experience there when I worked there in 2005. I hear back from them in two weeks and am really hoping they hire me.
Mission Possible is going well. The coat check position ended up falling through so I have been helping out with supervising activities in the art room. That has been going well and I'll be sad when I have to switch jobs at the end of next week.
Sunday was Easter my aunt uncle and cousins and grandma came over for dinner and some family friends and my sister's boyfriend and his parents came over for dessert. Quite a crowd but it was fun. I am still burning off the calories between the huge dinner I ate and all the candy I've been eating thoughout the week.
In general this week has been really uneventful Matt and I are going to Maine this weekend and we're meeting up with Cooper and Jon to go bowling. Can't wait!

Not much else to report
Janine

Filling a void

So I have considered going back to school at NEC for grad school for Professional Writing. Classes would not start til next fall after Project Search is over. I feel like one of the main reasons I want to go back to school is to feel a void in my education. I want to learn more about writing and what I can do with my passion for writing. The price tag is pretty high and that is the only issue that I see getting in the way. I feel like it would be easier for me to get jobs in my field if I had better skills in writing. Not to say my writing skills are weak but they are not impeccable either. My main goal with my communications degree is to get a job doing public relations work for a theatre. That is what I did when I interned at the Barn Playhouse three summers ago and I absolutley loved it. If you go to my theatre blog you will see some examples of some reviews I have written for the Milford Cabinet.

I think right now the best thing to do would be to focus on what's ahead of me. Project Search starts in September. That's a job training program at St Joe's Hospital. I am hoping to gain experience in the medical field from this program. Perhaps it would be wiser to go back to school to study something related to the medical field once I get a job at the hospital after Project Search is over. Who knows I may end up holding of a few years to do grad school at NEC to see if Professional Writing is something I definitley want to do or if my focus should be something related to the hospital.

OH, life is filled with so many options.