Key Word of the Day: Revitiliazation

Since I turned 24 I feel like I have suddenly gained a new lease on life. I feel like I have revitalized myself. I have been 24 for almost a month (my birthday was August 26th) and I feel like things are looking up.
I feel like most of the past two years was mostly spent in isolation in a lot of way due to my depression related to the Barn Playhouse and all subsequent issues related to my falling out with Will Porter.
In regard to this I have realized the following things:
* No one in my intern company has forgotten about me.. and no matter how much I tend to doubt it Will most likely hasn't either.
* As much as I drove myself crazy with thinking Will does not hate me or think I'm a stalker.
*Memories of Summer 2007 are never forgotten and never will be forgotten
* I need to stop apologizing and feeling so guilty. People forgive me. I just need to forgive myself and let things go. Had I done that a while ago I would have made thinga a lot easier for myself and wouldn't have had to put myself through anxiety and put my friends through unnessary stress that they did not need to deal with.

The transition in regards to stuff related to the Barn took longer than it really should have. Time to put the past in the past.. where it belongs. Lock it up and throw away the key. Memories are never forgotten or lost.

Stuff related to the Barn was not the only transition that I had issues with,,, when I graduated from NEC last May that transition was really hard because I was starting my own life away from NEC and life at NEC was going on without me. I felt rather distant from all my friends from NEC and in a lot of ways I still do. I still keep in touch with the main people (Cooper,Erin and Stacey) but other than that I feel like things are changing too much.


Part of my revitialization and reinvention process invovles focussing on the here and now. Much of the past two years has been far to fouccesed on the past and I can no longer let the present pass me by. That will not be very good for me. As I said time to put the past in the past.
In the prior entry I mentioned I am going back to school to study Speech and Language Pathology at the tech college in Nashua. Those classes are going quite well and I find myself developing a new and deeper knowledge or language and how it is formed. Something I never really gave much thought to in the past. My goal in going back to school is to hopefully go to Graduate School at UNH for speech and language disorders and work for a school system. My relationship with Matt has been going fabulous. We have been going out for a year and I seriously could not be any happier in that regard. I also recently got a part time job at Target as a fitting room attendant/cashier. I am starting training next week and can not wait. Once I get a bit more money the next idea I have in my reinvention and revitilazation process is to join a gym or take some kind of fitness or yoga class.

Additionally, though i am not definitley sure of this yet my revitlization process may include getting rid of facebook. I feel as if the use of facebook really does hinder my maturity in a lot of ways. In order to prove to people I am mature I feel like the one thing I sould do is to get rid of the thing that hinders my maturity level. Deleting facebook is not set in stone yet. I am still deciding if that is the best thing to do at this point.




Update Dec 14th Since I wrote this entry I have thought long and hard about continuing with Speech Language Pathology or simply reconsidered going back to school in general. I was shocked and quite proud of myself when I got a B in Speech and Language Development..that was unexpected. When it came down to the cold hard truth of the matter there were some aspects of this field that I feel and my mom and professor agree that my disabilities could hinder. I was disappointed with the decision originally but then relaized that I have to be sensible too. IF I was struggling with certain aspects of the course material I would only continue to struggle more as the classes continued to get harder. Plus the classes were way too expensive and at the current time I could not afford them.. financially it is not possible for me to continue at this time because I have to keep in mind that I have also pay back my loans from NEC back and the last thing I want to do is add more financial stress to myself by having to pay back additional loans. Right now I am trying to apply for a job training program at St Joesph's Hopsital in Nashua and if I get accepted into that I may decide to swtich my major and study Medical Coding. If I don't end up getting into the job training program then I will just continue to work at Target until I find a job that gives me more substanial pay.

So releived!

The job search is finally over. Yesterday I had an interview at Target and was hired on the spot as a fitting room attendant and cashier. I feel things are starting to finally fall into place in my life. Great boyfriend. School is going well and now I don't have to be under so much iminent preasssure to pay my loans back from New England College.


There is however the ongoing lingering issue of how much time I spend on facebook and how frusturated people seem to be getting with me by sending too many group messages. This has been an issue ever since I left the Barn Playhouse two summers ago. I am well aware with what I need to change about the way I act so that way friendships are not put on the line. Now that I have school and work to focus on my time spent on facebook will be drastically cut back.

Job Search Update

Job search update

Market Basket

• Milford-  All positions filled
• Nashua  near  TJ  Maxx and Panera   All positions filled
• Nashua Somerset Plaza   Applied for a day position for  cashiering. Will hear back to set up an interview with in the next week.

After School Programs

• Adult Learning Center  Position filled but a new position could open up at any moment
  
• 21st Century-  Still wating to hear back.     Weather or not I get the job depends on enrollment.  Same thing applies for New Morning School. They are supposed to call me back on  Tuesday.

TJ Maxx called me in for a second interview on Friday so that looks promising.

I applied at Wallgreens and am going to apply for a data entry job at a staffing center in Wilton tomorrow.

In other news school started last night and  I think I am in for a really challenging semester. This class involves a lot of reading and analysis.   The analysis will be the difficult thing.  I have made the ultimate decision that it is a bad idea to get involved in clubs and activities on campus.  I will not have time between academics and working if I ever get a job.   The only club  I will have time for will be Speech and Language Path Club  since that club applies to my major and  will  mostly be used as  a study group   but we are also getting guest speakers to come in too.  Film Club was debatable for awhile and  I am still not sure about that. 

Later

Janine

Back to realtity

This weekend I went to New Jersey for a family function. On the way we went on college tour of Vassar College in Pouhkeepsie New York. My sister is trying to get a feel for where she wants to go next year and Vassar is one of the 10 colleges on her list. We were all kind of exhausted from traveling and it was raining so it wasn't as enjoyable as I would have liked to be. We ended up taking a tour again by ourselves Saturday afternoon after we went to the FDR Meusuem. The mesuem was neat. I didn't really know too much about FDR, his presidency or his family life. I am not typically a huge fan of museums no matter what the subject matter of it is but this was very interesting. After the musuem and our second tour of Vassar we headed to my uncle's house in New Jersey where we had lobster for dinner. Then me and my sister went over to my cousin Jessica's house to sleep over. Yesterday was her daugther's christening which was a very nice ceremony. My sister is the godmother to the baby. There will be pictures up soon both on her and on facebook. After that we had a huge catered lunch at my uncle's house which I was very full by the end of. I got a suprise when my aunt's sister invited me to go see a play at Drew University with her her husband and her granddaughter. The play was called Noises Off. It was quite funny... I haven't laughed so hard in awhile. Today we left my uncle's at 10am and took two mini college tours of Fairfield University and Conneticut College. My sister had mixed feelings about Fairfield but really likes Conneticut and that is proably going to move up to the top of her list right next to Northwestern and BU. I thought both campusses were very pretty.

Now it's back to reality.. and the bleakness of the job search. I still haven't heard back from TJ Maxx yet so I am curious to know if they made their decision. Let's hope that works out.. I really need a job. School is also starting and I am excited about that this semester has laid ahead for me.

Time for bed. This weekend has been long. I am exhausted.

Janine

Lots to update on... not much time to do it

I should have been in bed two hours ago bc i have to go to NJ in the morning and have to be up @ 6:30. (make that less than 5 hours)
Job seach update
J and J Party- did not have enough retail experience
Lilac Blossom: All hostess positions filled
TECH College Wellness Center Clerk: Position filled
Market Basket they are going to call me in for a interview early next week
After School Programs

• Adult Learning Center (Nashua -Main Dunstable Elementary School) - Position filled
• 21st Century (Nashua Amherst- St Elementary School)- still waiting to hear back
• New Morning School ( Amherst -Clark and Wilkins)- Will hear back from them by Monday or Tuesday once they find out how many kids they have in the program

TJ Maxx is supposed to call me back on Monday about the position in the fitting room.

GRRR this is getting so frusturating!!

So let's see... Anything Goes was a decent play. I enjoyed myself. Please go to my theatre blog for the full review. It was nice to go to the Barn Playhouse again but I am happy to report that after several months of depression about stuff related to the Barn and stuff related to my season there I am fully ready to move on. I am done with driving myself crazy and being obsessed. It is not worth it all. No one from my intern company has forgotten about me or any of the fun times we had that summer, no matter how much I tend to think that Will Porter still has and despite the distance everyone is still friends with me. I should have just let all this stuff go a long time ago. It would have made things so much easier for my mental sanity and I would have not driven all my friends so crazy. Thank you everyone so much for putting up with me! You won't have to deal anymore with spazzy emails from me. You all know who you are.. or at least I am hoping you do. I love all of you so much.

Wednesday was my birthday. I am 24 and feel like I am a new person, Typically a birthday is just a birthday but for me this marks the beginning of a whole new me. As I just mentioned above I spent most of the past year and a half being anxious depressed and nervous about stuff related to the Barn Playhouse.. it is time to put the past in the past totally and completley and focus on the present and future. Focus on my friends and amazing boyfriend.. that's what truly matters and all that should. The memories of the Barn Playhouse will always mean a lot to me but it's not fair for me to focus on the negative emotions I have felt about stuff related to the Barn and how much things have changed there since I left there two summers ago. I can't control any of that... I should have realized that a long time ago.. that would have really eliminated a lot of my anxiety.

Anyway as I highlighted at the top of the entry the job search is still very slow going, stressful and frusturating. I am annoyed that I still have not found a job yet. I have been looking for about 8 and half months now maybe a little bit more. I am really hoping something will surface soon. If nothing does the least I can hope for is more hours for subsitute teaching at Milford and Nashua. School starts on Tuesday and I am so ready for classes to start. The summer has seemed to drag on forever since my summer course ended on June 30th.... mainly because my homework gave me less stress off of job searching.

Time for bed... seriously! Although I suppose whatever sleep I do not get tonight I will get on the way down to NJ in the car.

Love Janine

Exhausted!

This weekend I went to Matt's house in Kennebunk for a family reunion. It was awesome to meet all his family. They all seem very nice. We had a delicious dinner of gumbo and sausages. I had never had gumbo before..it was quite good and i am not typically a fan of spicy foods at all. Yesterday we went to Glouschter for his bowling tournment. I thought I would be immensly bored but I actually enjoyed myself and learned a little bit about bowling and how a professiomal bowling compettion is run. Today we met my parents @ Wells Beach which was nice and relaxing.. but yet when all the events of this weekend are all added together I am quite exhausted... a good night's sleep is well deserved, Last weekend I went up to Meredith with Matt and Sonya to go see Oaklahoma. It was an amazing show. I truly enjoy going to see shows at Summer Theatre in Meredith Village and am so excited about their season next summer. One of the shows they are doing next summer is Chicago which is one of my absolutle favorites. It was so awesome to see Maggie John Baker and Marco again.. it was a really big surprise to see Marco because I didn't even know he was in the show. Good times!

Saturday I am going to the Barn Playhouse to go see Anything Goes. Earlier this summer I was a little bit leary to even go to the Barn Playhouse at all because I had gone through a really deep depression about stuff related to that theatre and how the management there had changed since I left there two summers ago but I've learned to live with that.. I really don't have a choice because there is nothing I can do to change anything what's done is done. I am done feeling guilty about over reacting and fearing that people have forgotten about me. No one has forgotten about me that was dumb to worry about in the first place.


Time for bed.
Janine

Lots to update on

Well July is half over and it's been a couple week since my last update. Job search is still going very slow. Today I applied for 2 jobs and reapplied for 2. Reapply- Market Basket, Fridays and tech college Wellness Center Clerk New Submittals: Lillac Blossom   J and J Party Supply and the tech colllege book store.   HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT!!  The Nashua School system  is going through a huge budget  deficit and because of this all recently created jobs had to be cut that means this position is  no longer available.  Yet another roadblock.  The search presses on. 

I miss my sister immensly! She is away for 5 weeks at an intensive journalism program in Chicago Illinois at Northwestern University. I am very excited for her to come home next Friday and hear of her adventures.

2 family reunions in one month. CLASSY!! The first one was our annual 4th of July get together which is always fun. It's so great to see my extended family. This weekend was my grandma's 80th birthday so my mom''s immediate family and some of my grandma's close friends gathered together at our beach house in Hull Mass for a party. Great fun! Great food! Horray! In between these weekends of festive events with my family I went to Meredith to go see Grease at Summer Theatre in Meredith Village with Matt and Sonya. For a few review of the show please direct yourselves to my Theatre is My Life blog. The show was amazing and I can't wait for Oaklahoma next weekend AND TO SEE MAGGIE LOUIE AND JOHN BAKER AGAIN!! :) IT was so awesome to see Matt Densky again on the 10th. It was great to catch up with him after not seeing him since I left NLBP. The following day Matt Heather and I spent the day at Wells Beach DELIGHTFUL!!! I hope I get to go to the beach at least one more time before the summer is over.

Not much else to say really. Time to migrate over to my other blog for my weekly commentary on So You Think You Can Dance

Janine