Another crossover entry from livejournal actually most of these entries are livejournal implants.
So this entry kind of bounces off the entry I wrote last week after Maggie Politi emailed my mom. For the record I am very grateful to Maggie for emailing my mother. :) It has been no secret at all that I have depressed about stuff related to the Barn Playhouse. I have tried to deny that for the longest time and hide it from other people. I can no longer do this. It drives me too crazy. If you are a frequent reader of this LJ you should plainly be able to see how up and down I have been about stuff related to the Barn in the past three years. Maggie's email was really eye opening for me because it not only showed me that the people from my intern company are generally concerned about how I obsessed I have been when it comes to stuff related to the Barn but the fact I have outwardly denied this obsession for the past two years and have forced myself to believe that my depression has fully gone away when it's not even close to that point. Lots of stress and anxiety built up over time and I truly feel bad about taking that anxiety out on other people because for the most part they didn't deserve it. This anxiety is what caused me to send emails to everyone in my intern company constantly apologizing for the way I was acting. For the most part a lot of that apologizing was generally unnecessary and if I could turn back time I most likely would have never sent out to those emails to begin with. I used to be worried that the way I acted may have long term affect on my relationships with these people and I may be burning bridges for business contacts but that may not be totally and completely be the case. I have too much emotional baggage to deal with and honestly I think it would be best to talk to someone professional to help me through this. I know that I can get through this.. I just can't deal with it on my own anymore because I just end up getting back into the negative thought process thinking that the people from my intern company aren't going to be freinds with me anymore because of the way that I acted or don't like me because that for the most part is not true. At this point I need to totally reinvent myself. I will wait till things turn around to contact people from my intern company again or better yet wait until the contact me first so I do not get too in their face with sending them too many emails. I need to start distancing myself from thinking about stuff related to the Barn. I do not plan on going back there this summer to see any plays. The only way I can fully gain closure to this depression is to eliminate even considering going to see shows there no matter how good the summer line up is. I really should have done that last year.. that would have saved me a lot of anxiety to be perfectly honest. I am doing research of other theatres in NH to go see plays at this summer aside from Summer Theatre in Meredith Village. Winnipasaukee Playhouse and Ogunquit Playouse are at the top of my list so far. Totally eliminating the Barn from my list of venues will help me heal better.. perhaps once this depression 100% goes away I will consider going back to the Barn again but this summer is not the best time to do that as I am still in the healing process. My mom suggested I get a new hobby besides theatre and that might be something I'm willing to try doing.. theatre will stil be a huge part of my life though no matter what. Any other suggestions for how I can reinvent myself would be welcomed.
Today's Livejournal Writer's Block Question was about family adventures. My favorite family adventure up to this point was when I went to Italy two summers ago. I adored it and am absolutley itching to go back. We spent the first two days in Florence and Venice and then spent the rest of the time in the Tuscany Vallley with our realtives who live in Arrezzo.
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