Reviewing the situation

This is furthur thoughts that build off the entry End of An Era and a new beginning for me (816/11) in my Theatre Is My Life Blog http://theatrereviewer826.blogspot.com/

If people don't already know this I have a learning disability on the Asberger's spectrum. Due to this disabilltity I tend to get obsessed over things. People from my Barn Playhouse intern company and my other friends could easily see that through out the past couple years though I have calmed down a lot recently as far as the anxiety goes related to the Barn. As I was transferring old entries from my livejournal to this blog lots of entries didn't make the cut that was mostly because they showed me in a very poor light. They were mostly entries in regards to my falling out with Will Porter one of my co-workers from NLBP. This falling out was a component to my depression. I was not willing to admit to myself or anyone else that I was a little obsessed with Will at that time but looking back on the fall of 2007 I can honestly say that I was. I stupidly had a crush on him the whole summer at the Barn and even more stupidly admitted to him after the fact that I had a crush on him the whole entire summer knowing full well that he was gay. The whole crush thing is actually pretty laughable because obviously he is gay and we in would have never been able to date. In the big scheme of things that was probably a big determent to our friendship not the "disagreement" I thought I had put Nicolina Sciascia in the middle of which in the end wasn't a disagreement at all. We haven't spoken to eachother since we left NLBP.
There are 2 sides to this coin
Side #1:  If I give him a little more time maybe he will contact me... of course that's been my mindset for 4 years and nothing has come of anything.
Side #2:  If he hasn't made a sizeabe effort to stay in  contact with me it may be best to let things go at this point. I certainly don't want to make it  look like I'm still obsessed with him when  I'm obviously not.  I don't want to seem like a stalker either.

The other component to my deperssion is outlined at the beginnnig of the entry End Of An Era and a new beginning for me in my Theatre Is My Life blog. As I say in that entry I was definitley resentful to the changes that were happening at the Barn. I was unwilling to accept that the Barn was not going to be the same place I remembered it as when I worked there in 2007. That was all a matter of accepting and embracing change. Had I done that originally then there were many group emails to everyone in my intern company that would have been non-existant. While I have awareness that no one has forgotten that summer at the Barn I had the biggest issue with grasping that people were moving on with their lives and starting their own careers. I have kept in touch with certain people sporadically since leaving the Barn and am always excited to see them again and find out what they have been up too. This is why it has been so great to see shows at Summer Theatre In Meredith Village because Nancy has hired quite a few people from my intern company in the past couple years. :)

So yes.. it undoubtley took me longer than it should of to move on from the Barn Playhouse but I have finally reached a point where I have. Accepting change... embracing it. Accepting that memories are not forgotten and friendships and above all LOVE is there! :)